"Enjoy the Warm Hospitality and Service at the Hotel Carter"

Sock Monkey has a new obsession: Reading bad reviews of hotels on Trip Adviser. This website has reviews and photographs of millions of hotels from all over the world which are posted by people who have actually stayed in them. Last week they emailed me their 2009 list of The World's Dirtiest Hotels and I just can't stop reading the reviews. Whilst Sock Monkey does enjoy reading the reviews of the Cromwell Crown Hotel in London, I am particularly fascinated (it is a sort of grim fascination admittedly) by the Hotel Carter in New York which is described on one website bookings page as "Enjoy the warm hospitality and service at the Hotel Carter- a unique- inviting departure from traditional hotels in Manhattan."

It certainly is 'a unique departure from traditional hotels' as this place has been voted the Dirtiest Hotel in the whole of America the last 4 years running. Guest reviews tell us about the bedbug infested sheets, dead mice in the rooms, the never-in-this-lifetime vacuumed carpets, filthy bathrooms, crappy service, etc, etc. The evidence is here in over 260 photographs in hideous technicolor - if you dare look. Some of the reviews are entitled as follows: 'Should be Shut Down by the Health Department', 'Most disgusting Place Ever', 'Oh But Bed Bugs DO Bite!', 'Disgustingly Disgusting', 'HorrendousDisgustingYukTerrible', and the completely against the grain: 'I Always Stay at the Carter'.

One of my favourite reviews is:
"The Mouse House
What a hoot! No worry about feeling alone, as the mice running all over will keep you company. This is the kind of place where at any time a pancake makeup-encrusted octogenarian with yellowed teeth, clad in a shabby silk bedcoat and moth-eaten feather boa can be expected to be seen wandering the halls muttering, "Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up" A pig pen (but I did only pay $79.00 bucks, so what could I expect?)."

Someone else said that standing at reception and watching the long line of people queuing up each morning to complain was one of the entertainment highlights of the place.

To be fair the management response to one review was: "Dec 11, 2008 Bedbugs Suck! Yes, much of it is true. We are sorry, and here is what we’re doing about it – We’re locating and aggressively treating all reported rooms. We’re using the latest state-of-the-art (and costly) services including bug sniffing dogs, cryonite (freezing with carbon dioxide) and traditional, safe and legal eradication techniques. Fact is bedbugs are as much of a problem in a 5 Star hotel in New York, and around the world for that matter, as they are at a value-priced hotel like The Carter.
With more people traveling internationally, bedbugs have been getting free trips around the world. It’s not an excuse – it’s just the way it is. Nobody likes bedbugs – I feel itchy just writing this. Please know that we are biting back and getting rid of all uninvited guests. We’re also cleaning like crazy, making repairs all over the place and are doing everything we can to make sure our guests have a safe, comfortable, clean and affordable room when visiting New York and choosing The Carter as their hotel. Bottom line: We can do better. And we will."

But I don't want to read about what they are doing to fix the problem! I want to read the utterly hideous reviews until I cry with laughter. Again. I may actually have to go to New York just to have a look at the Hotel Carter with my bare eyes.

Personally I think the place should be preserved as a sort of 'Hotel-from-Hell Theme Park'.

Notes on Bad Smells and Printing

This morning Sock Monkey received the following text from P:

"Someone had the most disgusting perfume on [when she was on the bus]. Its making me feel very queasy."

Sock Monkey replied "I hate that. In fact its antisocial. Like drinking Red Bull in public [see earlier post regarding Red Bull and my thoughts regarding the drinking of it in public places] . Its making me feel sick just thinking about it. Bleurgh".

P: "lol"

Sock Monkey then went on to say that 'Stinking perfume and Red Bull should come with an ASBO sellotaped to the packet".

P replied with 'lol you are making me laugh."
This is no laughing matter, though! Sock Monkey is now on a mission and declared "I'm off to find my John Bull (how appropriate) Printing Set to run off some warning labels then take a trip to the local stockists [of Red Bull and Eau du Stink]."

But Sock Monkey does not have a John Bull Printing Set! The last time Sock Monkey even laid eyes on said object was circa 1973. And it wasn't even Sock Monkey's own John Bull Printing Set! It belonged to Sock Monkey's brother.

It was so pleasing to put the slugs into the tray and stamp on the inky pad then print your own back-to-front words. It was also pleasing to see your little kiddie fingers covered in ink.

So! In approximately 4 Earth Hours Sock Monkey may well be the proud owner of this:

Then my mission can commence. It will take longer than if I used a computer but will be considerably more fun.

You can find almost anything on Ebay. I say almost anything. What you can't find on eBay is a Hitler Watch. It would be like my Chairman Mao Watch but instead of the Chairman waving it would have Hitler Nazi-Saluting. I know you can't get it on eBay because I have looked. Three times.

Another Nuclear Bunker - Pear Tree House Gipsy Hill

Several Years ago Sock Monkey visited Kelvendon Hatch 'Secret' Nuclear Bunker. I did feel that the sign posts saying "This way to the Secret Nuclear Bunker' and the huge aerial mast directly above it were a bit of a give away though.

Sock Monkey likes to visit slightly unusual places so imagine my *joy* when I discovered that there is a nuclear bunker just up the road from Sock Monkey Mansions! Its called Pear Tree House and its just off Gipsy Hill, on Lunham Road at the junction of Hawke Road.

Round about the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis a new housing estate was planned for a large area in Crystal Palace. This was to become the Central Hill Estate where the bunker is located. Work started on Pear Tree House in 1963 and was completed in 1966.

When I visited Kelvendon Hatch I discovered that each London borough had to have their own Bat Cave (Civil Defence Centre) if central government was blown up or vaporised or something and I knew that there was one in Norwood because I saw a big red pin sticking in a map to show the rough spot.

On Saturday we went trip-trip-trip billygoats gruff up The Bloody Great Hill, walked along a very nice street thank you very much then all of a sudden found ourselves at the outskirts of a God- forsaken looking housing estate. That's the thing about London - one minute your surroundings are nice then turn the corner and you are in somewhere that looks like a outside location shot from Trainspotting.

We couldn't see any hungry pit bulls so we ventured closer for a better look. From the outside it just looks like a 4 storey block of flats with a very large basement. From the outside there is nothing particularly odd-looking about the building but, under the 8 flats which are clearly visible is actually housed an 18-room bunker. The main entrance is a heavy steel blast door which is clearly visible as it is at ground level. Apart from that there's nothing to see here folks so we moved on. It was interesting to find out about the bunker though. There are so many
secret underground things in London that we will never know about. I would still like to find out if the grassy knoll at the corner of Crown Lane and Beulah Hill in Norwood, where I thought there was government bunker, is the correct location.

Run for Your Life

Sock Monkey and one of Sock Monkey's colleagues have signed up for a sponsored 5k run on aid of Cancer Research. Please sponsor us some ££££/$$$$ by clicking on the link below.

Link to sponsorship page

We want to raise as much money as possible.

Thanks

I've always liked ABBA but...

you have to admit this is just as good as the original 'Take a Chance on Me'.  It always makes me laugh although a bit more 5 o'clock shadow wouldn't have gone amiss.

I am the same age as:

For years I have been making a mental note of 'Things the Same Age As Me' . I think it all started when I discovered that I am the same age as that emporium of class retailing: The Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre and the blockbuster movie of the year which featured 'children' dressed in curtains: 'The Sound of Music'. But woah noah it doesn't stop there. Pizza Express is the same age as me.

Classic Record label with albums by 'various artists' - 'Music for Pleasure' is also the same age as me.

The Post Office Tower (I refuse to call it BT Tower as it is simply not a good enough name) was opened the year I was born. The government only admitted in the 1980's that the Tower had been used for secret communication. And everyone said, 'Oh so that's why there are loads of bloody great radars stuck all over it'. My girlfriend's Dad built The Post Office Tower.

Another notable film was also released in the year of my birth and it also stars Julie Andrews: 'Mary Poppins'. This film is most famous though for containing the worst Cockney accent ever recorded, Dick Van Dyke's cheekie chappie window sweep's "Eeeere Mawryee Pawppinz".

Mary Quant invented mini- skirts that year, and betamax video recorders were also invented. The Rolling Stones were at number one the week I was born.

And here's an old video of a fantastic song released that year. Do you know which year it was yet?

SNOWWWWW!

For those of you who don't live in the UK Sock Monkey would like to report that it has been snowing like an absolute bastard here. We have had the worst snow in 18 (count them) years. We woke up yesterday to 8 inches of snow. All the trains were fucked, not a bus in sight and I live nowhere near a tube station. The country had ground to a total halt. So it was a day of laundry and ironing for me! My how I caught up with my housework.

This morning I was all prepared to go trip-trip-trip billygoats gruff to work only to find that there were still no trains from Crystal Palace to London Bridge. So I went home, had a cup of tea and went online to plan my plan B alternative route. One hour later, when I was halfway to work and packed on a train which I imagine was similar to the train to Auschwitz, I phoned work to say I was on my way and told not to bother. So I enjoyed my 2 hour round trip halfway to work and back home.

Once I got off the bus (after wandering around Honor Oak Park for bloody ages looking for a bus stop) I decided to have a nice walk in the park. I live really close to Crystal Palace Park and it is a) huuuuge and b) lovely. So I walked past the site of the old Crystal Palace and looked at all the remaining statues all covered in snow (I don't think the sphynxes liked it). It looks a bit like Narnia where all the people were turned into statues. After falling on my arse I had a wander around the dinosaur park and after a snowy hour went home and had lasagne for lunch. Which I had been carrying around in my bag all morning. At least it stayed cold!

I hired a personal trainer in December and we run in Crystal Palace every week. God knows how this is gong to work tomorrow. Kristian said we were going to go 'Alpine Walking'. All I know is that it is bloody icy in there at the moment. After last week's session I was dripping with mud so I do hope I don't end tomorrow's session with a broken/sprained item.

Have to go now. I'm off to look for 2 tennis raquets to strap to my feet.