Moderation be Damned

When Sock Monkey & Mrs P were in Edinburgh last New Year, our friend Robin took us on a little drive to look at the sea. After almost dying of exposure in what must have been wind blowing direct from Siberia, he took us to a little tea shop to thaw out and eat scones.

It was in here that I spotted a poem which had been typed out and attached to the back of the toilet door. Its a male take on the poem 'When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple' and I thought I'd share it with you as I find it highly amusing:

Moderation be Damned

by Louis Mitchell

When I am an old Man I will wear red - bright red

A red shirt, red tartan trews, red socks, red shoes and a red cap.

I will let my hair grow long, into ringlets - dyed red

I will have an open red sports car, with a loud exhaust

and air horns which even a taxi driver will hear.

I will have a tall mast with a flag on top painted with a young lady

who for some reason has forgotten to put her clothes on

I will have a red setter dog which will be trained to chase cats, and revelers

at two in the morning, but to welcome the postman and paper boy.

In church I will hold up a placard when the preacher goes on for too long

to tell him "the end is nigh".

I will go to the bowling hut with a small drill, make holes in the bowls

to spoil their balance

I will drink red wine, more red wine and still more red wine.

I will post back prepaid begging letters with nothing in them.

I have been told I must eat more fish - so I will have fish and chips every day.

Just like a Frenchman, I shall pee anywhere, absolutely anywhere,

when I need to, not matter who is watching

But, when my time has come, I hope not to be going to where

there is a perpetual red fire.

Go to it lads - be bold - MODERATION BE DAMNED!