Lurgy

Sock Monkey had not been well.
Sock Monkey has been off work for the best part of a fortnight.
Sock Monkey was even signed-off sick by the doctor.
Sock Monkey has had...lurgy!

For non-proper English speakers (ie Americans) 'lurgy' is a catch-all word for any sort of germs like 'flu, or a sore throat, a temperature or a chest infection like what Sock Monkey had.

It all started off with a sore throat one morning. And a bunged up connection pipe between my right ear and throat that slime appeared to be dribbling down. Next day: full-blown lurgy. Two days later if Sock Monkey actually was a monkey the vet would have given me the big injection.

P came to visit me 4 days later and proclaimed, "I'm never leaving you by yourself for so long when you are ill ever again!" and brought me lemonade and Rich Tea biscuits.

Then P nagged me to go to the doctor. Naturally Sock Monkey always obeys instructions so I went to the doctor that day. At the surgery and described my symptoms:

Sock Monkey: "I never usually come to the doctor for a winter bug but I have been nagged to come because I sound like a Dickensian Consumptive and been told to ask you if my chest sounds OK."

Doctor (completely missing my immense wit): "Yes you do have a bit of a chest infection. Do you feel like you have a temperature?"

Sock Monkey (nodding vigorously): "Yes"

Doctor: "Yes, you do look a bit hot."

Then I got a week's worth of some pretty impressively coloured antibiotics. Red and yellow ones.

After a couple more days of feeling horrid, Sock Monkey perked up a bit and started enjoying lying in bed all day listening to the radio (BBC London 95.9). Although every time Vanessa Feltz made me laugh (this happened approximately every 2 minutes) it gave me a huge and impressive coughing fit that hurt. Then Robert Elms comes on and tells you loads of interesting stuff about London. I'd also been looking forward to listening to Danny Baker's radio programme but he was off sick too.

I also managed to watch loads of the Commonwealth Games when I was able to drag myself out of bed. Sock Monkey can now confirm that Table Tennis (or more accurately, 'Ping-Pong') is the world's most pointless 'sport' which is played by people who look retarded.

Sock Monkey's best fun though was lying bed reading a book about Jack the Ripper, in conjunction with my A-Z so I could identify exactly where the bodies were found. Sock Monkey also made notes as part of my research. I am now in the process of devising my own Jack the Riper walking tour and have a map with the most interesting and important parts of Whitechapel highlighted in pink highlighter pen. Well then you can imagine Sock Monkey's huge joy that evening when there was a documentary about Jack the Ripper on tv! The police researcher had even managed to figure out which street Jack the Ripper even lived in! Hooray!

So Sock Monkey's sick time was not wasted and once I felt OK again (after 10 days), on my way back from collecting my sick certificate from the doctor's I discovered a little pathway through some woods I didn't know about which I investigated that weekend. I didn't find the puma though but I still live in hope...

Unfortunately P, whilst coming into contact with a quarantined Sock Monkey also got lurgy. P's lurgy seemed to be different to my lurgy and although she obviously caught North London Germage she really ought to have taken 'precautions' whilst visiting Sock Monkey Mansions by wearing protective clothing like this: